Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
