I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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