Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
