I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize