Don't you send me to vm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize