she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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