Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize