By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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