lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
