she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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