i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
