i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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