Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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