i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
