He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
