how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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