Buhtt sex?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
