Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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