U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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