I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There r osticjed everywhere
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
