i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
