When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
