So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
