do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
