I want to have your abortion
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
