i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
