FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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