if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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