Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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