During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize