What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
