I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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