im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
