I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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