SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
