high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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