..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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