if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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