how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
