We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
