i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
