I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize