In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
