She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
