I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
