i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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