Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
