Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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