did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
