Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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