She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
