i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
