You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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