I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
