i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
