And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
