I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
