I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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