Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
