WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
