He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
