it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am one with the molecules
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize