We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
