With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
