Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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