Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Someone stole a lamp last night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
