The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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