It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
