I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
