apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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