Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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