he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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