Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
