I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
