Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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