i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
