bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize