he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
