I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
